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News items from Sports Shed FC

News item17 Nov 2011 - Dave Pike in Sex Scandal

Click here for further information on David Pike
David Pike
Sport Shed Midfielder Dave Pike has been caught up in a photographic sex scandel after local paper Blackmore Vale released the disturbing photographs this week. Dave Pike, currently in a long term relantionship with girlfriend Abi Williamson, was caught sending naked photos to sport shed coach Ben Thomson. Thomson demanded photos of Dave topless to ensure his place in the starting line-up agaisnt White Eagles this Sunday. However the photos fell in the wrong hands after Scott Shave got hold of the photographs whilst Ben talked about his knee to Gillingham first team manager Adrian Foster. Felling betrayed and jealous Mr Shave didn't hestitate to send the photos to the local newspaper who released them online instantly. Dave has refused to comment, but first team manager Louis Garrett ensured the press that Daves place in the starting 11 was still secure, and if he let personal problems influence his squad Tom Dodge would of been released a long time ago.

Author: p.o

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News item13 Nov 2011 - Tom Dodge - This is your life

Click here for further information on Tom Dodge
Tom Dodge
Born on August 8th 1990 the young centre forward from Wyke has left his mark on the lives of many , growing up Tom had a troubled childhood , struggled to break into the team of galacticos that Kev Francis had assembled at under 12s level and this forced him to a crazy social life in years to come , Tom was always a flamboyant lad , always the trouble maker , a right little devil with a cheeky grin to get himself out of the stickiest of situations , adored by some , hated by many.

Tom didnt take long to turn to alcohol when he grew older , loved a punch up and has had many encounters with Gillinghams baddest , a genuine nice chap , original cheeky chappy who i guess is misunderstood , after many struggles during his youth career Tom eventually parted company with Gillingham Town and became a professional bellend , sporting his chain and going on lads holidays the lad was a loose cannon , but after years of playing jack the lad he settled down with his current wife Amber Greenham , they have had their ups and downs but are deeply in love .

Tom signed for the Sports Shed this summer and is the clubs top scorer with a wide selection of 2 yard belters , Tom is famous for his ruthless penalty taking and casual jogs after long hit balls , the club adore him and the fans on the terraces chant his name to the tune of Robbie Williams famous tune Angels ..."OOOOOO he scores with a deflection , his touch is far from perfection but hes built like king kong , a free kick through the WAAALLLLLLLLL , will it go in? maybeeeeee , i know choppy d wont break me and when it comes to Paul he wont forsake me ... duuu duuuu ID RATHER PLAY FOR SPORTS SHED!", lets just hope Tom can use his eyes to full strength and read all about his glorious life because his ears , well , those rashers of crispy bacon have seen better days .. Tom Dodge .. this is your life x

Author: RF

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News item6 Aug 2011 - Membership Into League etc

Helloooo

We have been accepted into the Blackmore Vale Sunday League. Because 6 new teams are entering this means that there is a new division 3 league, and this is the one we will be entered into. This includes Shaftesburys new team, who play on there town pitch. The furthest away game is mudford, just outside of sparkford roundabout so it is not to bad. There is a total of 8 teams in our league at the moment but this could change. We are also in 2 cup competitions, one is a cup between all three league and the other is a league cup that just involves the teams in our league. If we want to we can pay an extra £20.00 to be put into the charity cup and that will mean we can compete for a total of 3 cup competitions. To do this every player needs to give us an extra £2.00. The season starts on the 4th of September but we hope to arrange 4 or 5 friendlys over the summer.

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News item6 Aug 2011 - Training

Training starts next Thursday (a week tommorrow) at wincanton sports astro. Until everyone signs up as members of wincanton sports ground on the first game of the season (this is £12.00) it will cost each player £3.00 to train. We get the astro from 8-9. Because we only have an hour please get there at half 7 to organise, and we have full use of the changing rooms. Because we want to get into this third cup, please bring £5.00 just this week. When the season starts the astro will just be £2.00 per person. Trainings just a bit of fun to have a game of football for an hour, but need everyone there if it is going to work.

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News item6 Aug 2011 - Fees and Fines

Every game is going to cost £5.00 per person for the first 11 and £2.50 for subs. This may seem alot but we have to pay £45.00 for the pitch and £20.00 for the ref. If you do not bring the full amount of money before the game you will not play. Everyone has to pay EVERY week or we can not keep going. Also everyone will wash there own kit every week, failure to do so will result in 50p fine. If you turn up late for a game this is also a 50p fine. There will also be a £2.00 for anyone who does not turn up or decides he cant play within 24 hours of the match. The more money we can collect over the season will mean we will not have to pay to enter the league next season.

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News item26 Jul 2011 - League Teams and Fixtures

Hello

You can see all teams in our league by going to the league link on the side of this page.. you can also see them in the league table section. Our furthest away game is Blandford, we also three away games in Sherborne, one in Templecombe and one in Shaftesbury, the rest will be played at Wincanton, so we do not have to much travelling to do.

Our first games are hard ones, away to Gyrphon Reserves who finished mid table in division two last season. The second game is Templecombe away, they have a few wincanton players and are early favourties for the league.

Author: lg

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News item21 Jul 2011 - Friendlys

We now have four confirmed friendlys:-

10th of August vs Kings Arms @ Home - 6:30pm Kick Off.
14th of August vs Chilworth @ Tisbury 10:30am Kick Off.
17th of August vs Wincanton A Team @ Home - 6:30 Kick off.
23rd of August vs Gryphon Reserves @ Home - 6:15 Kick off.

Going to roughly 3.00 for Home Friendlys.

Author: lg

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News item20 Jul 2011 - Training

Training is 8:00 tonight! dont forget! ben the motivator thomson is back.

Author: lg

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News item20 Jul 2011 - Friendlys

We have one definate friendly booked in on Tuesday August 23rd agaisnt Team Gryphon Ressies, Kick TBC (would imagine 6:00pm). We are also in touch with other clubs and hope to have atleast four friendlys booked in before i go on holiday.

Author: lg

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News item20 Jul 2011 - friendly cont.

We have also just confimed another friendly... Wednesday 17th August 2011 agaisnt Wincaton A Team. Local Derby... corrrrrrrrrrr 6:30kick off

Author: lg

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News item11 Jun 2011 - Weekly News.

Scott shaves recent hair transplant overloads his neck muscles resulting with a sick note from the doctor and 6 days off work- Shed didnt miss the young male from Eclife.

Foster wakes up with an sp7 football sock over his undersized pongy penis... could the wreckless young man recently from lodbourne be in talking terms with the shit cunts up the hill??? or has he been using it as a come sock??? personal adviser and sex buddy to foster ollie ayles (football club barman) has told the superstar not to comment or speak to the paperazi about the on serious alligations.

Confident Savage lands a 6lb carp at culvers farm fisherys- the cocky well spoken lad originaly from Tisbury said the beast took 47 hours to land and he used josh meads nipple hair as line and a bit of cheese from his abandoned, unmaintained cock to tempt the top class catch. good work sav!! top fishing.

Tom Dodges recent dip in form and Matthew Gaertig like mannorisims land him a 12 pound and a pack of minni cheddars fine. he seems to have taken to mattys life and hasnt been seen outside his house for several months now. some say its because enjoyin his new ps3 that much.. tom recently was spotted talking to a top lad from the phoenix that he simply needs a lie down every 5 minmutes and his shakes have been terrible. Get well soon dodge.

Sean harris and vincent hunt caught shaggin in strip club- womaniser vincent hunt, better known as vinny the sport sheds centre midfilder down a pint of fosters in order to get the confidence to approach this 'stunning female' unknown to the young carpenter from kington magner it was sean harris. the long haired striker. hunt denys all alligations of being caught shaggin and apparently man handling the shed striker in the back of the club. a reliable sorce said it was top shagging and nothing to be ashamed of. harris didnt turn up for work monday. apparently not being able to walk from the punishment hunt give his chocolate starfish.

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News item9 May 2011 - Weekly Rumours With Reece K Foster

It would be pretty easy for me to release rumours about anything and anyone seeing as Gillingham Town has quickly become scavvier than the dirtiest streets of Sao Paulo but these rumours will purely be based around footballers / staff of Sports Shed Football Club, They are rumours that i can promise come from reliable sources although maybe mostly 35 % truthful , i personally take NO responsibility whatsoever of relationship breakups or anything along them lines after releasing the rumours page , enjoy :)


SCOTT SHAVE IN STRIP CLUB SCANDAL

When you see Mr Shave you see a shy lad , wouldnt say boo to a goose right? maybe but he would definately say WOOO to a filthy essex lapdancer , local blackmore vale papperazzi have confirmed they saw the SSFC co owner absolutely bollocksed in an unnamed stripclub deep into early hours sunday morning , Shave has denied these claims but did try and say he had mumps on his neck and not hickeys.


HARRIS AND DODGE AN ITEM?

Sunday morning saw a great display on the pitch but whispers are flying around Sean Harris witnessed a great display in the bedroom with fellow goal scorer and team penalty taker Thomas Dodge , both have denied the affair that has left Amber Greenham baffled but Sean did say "his cum face isnt too different from the face he made after his snail trail penalty".


WATERMAN KICKS OFF IN LOCAL PUB

Local lad Paul Waterman was best known for being a replica of Mark Bosnich in his under 12 days between the sticks now it appears the converted playmaker has become way too big for his boots , Waterman wanted to enjoy a post match meal in a local pub after sundays win but after waiting a whole 7 minutes and 30 seconds for his grub a blood vessel burst in his eyelid and he was chucking plates everywhere , Steve Waterman (Pauls father) was interviewed and said this ... "Tom Dodge is shit" (True but slightly irrelevant).

AND FINALLY...

It appears Alex Wright may have been the victim of a few hard bummings in his first few months in the army , he looked unusually nervous on the ball and a lot paler than his normal shade of paper white , get well soon Alex , plenty of savlon in the kitbag.

Author: RF

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News item11 Jan 2011 - Famous Quotes from Sports Shed Players

"It wasnt me who pulled the screen down so who you gunna blame now?" - Tom Dodge (World Cup 2010)

"I just want to stroke a girls hair and kiss her goodnight"- Louis Garrett (2009-Now)

"You will have a bright future ahead of you at this club son"-Scott Shave (October 2011)

"I'm friends with Ed Sheeran what do you mean im on the bench?" -Geoff Coward (Unknown)

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